existential crises and other drama

well, I’m back.

I had sort of abandoned the blog in a fit of self-consciousness–after all, blogging (outside the realm of posting pictures of your kids for your family) is pretty much an exercise in narcissism regardless of how you angle it, not to mention a major cliche of sorts.  There is a nervous part of me that doesn’t want to be one of the arty mom bloggers.  And I had a good old fashioned August Funk in the middle of the winter that left me with a profound feeling of What’s The Point and an general attitude of Eff It All.  Poor Henry has been quite the patient and long-suffering spouse over the last few weeks, and is figuring out that my usually sunny disposition comes with a dark streak.

But, I’m feeling better! (I’m not dead yet!) I had a rough couple of weeks at work which made me feel that if I never darkened the door of another hospital IT WOULD BE TOO SOON, and the delicate balance I’d been maintaining of parenting being a break from working and vice versa got all screwed up.  Then I had a (very minor!) scooter wreck on Monday evening that made me feel breathlessly glad to be alive, the weather cleared up, and a tiny boy at our church fell out his second story bedroom window onto his head, which cost me a night of sleep thinking about how utterly horrifying it would be to have my child in that ICU bed hanging onto her life by a thread… to be sitting there wondering what disabilities she would have to deal with, to wonder if she would ever talk or walk or laugh again.

I had a little visit with myself and concluded that life is fragile and tenuous, God is inexplicably good to us in spite of our dreadful behavior, and it would be a crime to continue having a crappy attitude.   And also that anything can take on a narcissistic hue if you’re narcissistic enough.  (I blame Henry for even thinking about this; Narcissism was not in my working vocabulary prior to meeting him.  dang psychologists.)  Blogging is/can be a good exercise for me in expressing my thoughts and venting and keeping track of what Cora is up to so I don’t forget… thus the return to the blog.

Anyway.  I will have some good chatty posts about The Kid and Other Stuff sometime soon.