thankful

Well, friends, a lot has happened in the last… uh… 10 months? since I updated the blog.  Including:

The birth of the sweetest, most beautiful baby girl.  Lucie Maude arrived about a month early on July 31st, and we are entirely taken with her, Cora included.  Her birth was wild, and all I have to say about it is that natural childbirth is for the birds.  I would schedule a c-section before I would do that again.  She is so dear, though.  Four months in and we are still sleeping in 2 and 3 hour spurts, which are often interrupted in the middle of the night by a deranged 3-year-old who is screaming because she thinks she saw a bug or some other scary thing that requires an adult to move into her bed for the rest of the night.  Life with two children is exponentially more chaotic than with one, but perhaps it is exponentially better, too?  I don’t know. I’m too tired to accurately assess the situation.  (and in any case, we’re stuck with both of them, so what does it matter if it’s better or worse.  it just is.)

Cora started school three days a week, which has preserved the sanity of the entire family.  She love-love-love’s it, and has been bringing home some pretty fantastic artwork, improved block-building skills (i.e. things like buildings and supermen and trees, not just towers to knock down), and stories about entirely made-up people and events.  Her imaginary world is wild and wonderful, and she spends much of her free-play-time at home talking (usually in bossy tones and phrases) to her baby dolls and stuffed animals, carting them around and reading them books.  She runs everywhere, talks and sings constantly, and for all that can be surprisingly shy at parties and in large groups.  She went through a brief experimentation phase recently with swearing, but seems to have moved on, rather to my disappointment.  There is something so entertaining about a three-year-old saying ‘dammit’ and ‘goddonit’ (i.e. doggonit).

She is a huge fan of Lucie, and has started referring to her with possessive pronouns: “Did my baby wake up?  Is that my baby crying?”  She wants to hold her and (hilariously) to see her poops every time she gets changed, and dearly loves to dress her up.  A couple of days after we came home from the hospital, I found a swaddled Lucie asleep in her basket with lots of stickers stuck all over her blankets.  I found her tonight with Cora’s dirty socks crammed on her feet and Cora’s necklace on her head.  Lucie doesn’t seem to mind, and she has given Cora some of her most enthusiastic coos and smiles.

I am home full-time for now.  School starts back up in January, which will be a shock to my system after a whole 6-month break, and I will probably work a tiny bit here and there, but mostly I am going to focus on keeping the lid on things at home for a while.

What else?  OH: also, I went to India.  My sister got married in June to an actual Indian, and I hauled my pregnant self there and back in the space of a week for the wedding.  It was a crazy, mostly-good experience that I will post separately about at some point.  They are happily installed in Boston, and, with Bonnie hunting for a job in San Diego, it looks like our family will be living all in the same country for the forseeable future.

I think that is more or less it.  I have a katrillion pictures to post at some point, and I’ll get a post up about India, but I think we are basically caught up for now.  More soon, I promise.

sunbaked, for once

Cora, Henry and I are on vacation, for the first time in what feels like forever.  And by vacation, I mean a trip entirely for the purpose of R&R; not to attend a wedding or a funeral, or to visit family, or to spend a holiday with said family.  Just the three of us, getting sunburnt and eating nachos by the pool.  We are in Cabo San Lucas, which is hopelessly infested by American tourists, mostly either of the highly-tanned older variety (i.e. at least two generations ahead of us, calm down Mom) or the younger, breast-augmented variety.  Happily, it still manages to feel, look, and smell like Mexico, and we are having a splendid time, notwithstanding all the obnoxiousness.  By luck and fortunate family connections we are staying at a hotel (Capella Pedregal, if anyone’s interested) that is several shelves higher than the one on which we live… I have the unfortunate feeling that this may be one of those experiences, like flying first class, that is going to cause a lot of future discontent with my regular life and mode of travel.  We are enjoying the heck out of it while it lasts.

Anyway, here are a list of things that have caused this vacation to be superlatively awesome, just in case we forget:

1. Whale watching from our deck.  Seriously, and lots of them.  The guest services people brought us a pair of ginormous binoculars right after we arrived, which has helped tremendously.

2. Sleeping in, and not waking up thinking, “What time is it? Am I supposed to be at work?”

3. Large, deep bathtub.  And nice-smelling bubbles to go with.

4.  Cora has spent more time naked than clothed, and has started doing this hilarious panicked dance, complete with screaming and flailing limbs, when she needs to poop, being mostly potty trained but terrified of pooping on big potties.

5.  Watching the aforementioned naked Cora climbing in and out and in and out, etc, of the plunge pool on our deck.  It’s a little deeper than I’d like it to be, but the water is the temperature of tepid bathwater and it has a nice wide shelf inside that she loves cruising around.

6.  Cora and Henry motor boating around the pool.  She’s learning how to blow bubbles and usually ends up with a big mouthful of water.  If anyone has any tips on how to teach a 2-year-old how to swim, send them on along.

7.  The following exchange between Henry and Cora, who are both nursing their first sunburns of the year:

Henry: “Can I ride on your shoulders, Cora?”

Cora: “No, Papa.  I had a sunbuwn on my showdews.”

(very regretfully, with head tilted to the side) Cora: “I’m sowwy Papa.”

8.  Room service.  Chocolate ice cream at bedtime while watching soccer on TV.

8a. Complimentary fresh chips and guacamole, accompanied by two bottles of beer, delivered to the room at 4:15 every afternoon.

9.  Cora informing the meeter/greeter people out at the front of the hotel, nearly every day, “I yike Mexico.”

10.  The crazy/freaky long tunnel, dug out of the stone hillside, and lit by lanterns and chandeliers that forms the entrance to the resort and which immediately transported us from reality to feeling like we were in a Zorro movie.

11.  Tiny, sweet black kitten hanging out at the gigantic gates in front of the tunnel.  Cora and I are both in love, and would like to take her home and teach her English.  Henry just rolls his eyes, as usual.  He’s not a cat person, which I think may be one of his more serious character flaws.  Fortunately, Cora has not inherited his pessimism regarding cats.

12.  The weather.  Warm, breezy, and not a cloud in the sky.  I can not really believe that it’s still 40 degrees and raining in Portland.

Anyway, I should stop, lest it seem like I am gloating.  We have 2 days left, and then back to reality, which will hopefully not be too hard to cope with.   I think one of the nicer things about vacation, whether it is a soaring success or completely sucks in some way, is that it is generally nice to return home to your kitchen and bed and get the laundry done, make a meal list for the week, and get back to business.

Calamity Jane

OK, so I suppose this is not a calamity, however unplanned it may have been.  We found out about this small new person right before Christmas and it took us rather by surprise.  I was hoping to put off getting pregnant a few more months, considering I have just started grad school, etc, etc. but… well, nothing more to say about it.  Here he or she is.  Not going away, either it seems.

January was an awful, dark, miserable month.  I felt ho-rib-ble, fat, and insufficient for the tasks ahead of me, but things are getting better now that we are at the 13-week mark.  School is underway and very much manageable… even interesting at times.  (!)  Work is way manageable… 3 days a week is a lot sometimes, but I have a wonderful, supportive group of people around me that let me fall asleep in the break room occasionally and give me long days in the psych corner (i.e. sitting down) now and then, so it hasn’t been all bad.   And I have fantastic, free health benefits with this job, which was not the situation when Cora was born, and is a great source of relief for me.  Cora is very very excited about getting to have our very own baby to live at our house, and sleep in her room, having spent several envious months watching friends have babies.  And not grasping, I think, how much her little world is about to change.

And, of course, we are delighted.  Lots of people are predicting a boy this time, and I have really no idea.  We will find out in March sometime.  I can not really grasp the idea that there may be male genitalia attached to that little person, but I suppose we will deal with Whatever Comes.  ha.  Mostly I am relieve that there is only one of them.

Cora is doing really well…  we are through the *worst* of the terrible-two-ness in some ways, as her capacity to express herself verbally is improving by leaps and bounds.  She’s making these hilarious, complete sentences, like “Mama, You are a cow.” and “Mister Papa, turn off the yights!!” at bedtime after we read stories.  She’s potty training like a champ… very pleased with her big girl panties, and forcing herself to pee ever few minutes in hopes of pink and purple M&M’s.  She loves to put on her rain boots and let herself out the back door without us realizing it until we see her out the window, tromping around in the yard and screaming at the animals across the street.  We signed her up for preschool next fall at this wonderful little school that our friends have been using the past couple of years.  She’ll start with her buddy Simon in the fall, and I think it will be a perfect transition as we are adjusting to life with a newborn again.

And, probably, after this baby comes I won’t go back to work full-time for a few years.  I hate the idea of leaving a newborn for 12 hours at a time, 3 days a week, and can’t figure out how to be a decent mother and spouse with grad school and full-time work both on my plate.  Something has to go.

I can’t wait to meet this baby… (and, I should say, Calamity Jane was actually kind of a heroic figure.)  I’m so pleased that Cora will have a sibling, that our family is going to grow, that I get to go though birth and breastfeeding and all of it again.

falalalala-lalalala.

happy happy christmas!  (a few days late.)  we have had a great weekend, full of sleeping in, opening presents, playing with friends, eating lamb and other varieties of yummy meats and sweet things.  Cora has been wearing the above smug look on her face a lot lately, especially when presented with a camera.  As she was many many many times during my sister’s visit in mid-december.  so many pictures.

I had a major attitude adjustment about christmas this year– I think last year I was just not excited about traveling, and too busy and tired to get in the mood, but this year we decided early to stay put and have the stereotypical christmas morning experience here with just the 3 of us, and advent had a much different feel because of that.  We played a lot of holiday music, and really enjoyed watching Cora experience it for the first time.  She is still talking about papa cutting down a twee (!!) and it’s in our house (!!) and it has yights on it(!!!).  I wasn’t sure where to fall on the santa thing… we are Christians and Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ and of the redemption of man, no small thing.  But we live in America, and I’m fine with cultural context… we watched the Grinch and Charlie Brown Christmas and I just decided we can do both-and.  I think my parents always kept their tongues-in-cheek re: santa… I remember asking my mom once if he was real, and she looked at me and said What do you think.  So I reckon that is the path we are on.

In any case, Cora is pretty convinced that Santa brought her a play kitchen and eggs and a toaster, and she is grateful.  As am I– we needed a new toy to get some mileage out of, lest the weather drive me to letting her watch more television than I would normally allow.  So I am happy with Santa for correctly guessing what we needed most, and so is she.

a few pictures:

we made some cookies and peppermint bark and other goodies this year.  and actually delivered things to the neighbors!

the kitchen is so darn cute.  there is a matching fridge that we didn’t spring for, but I’m contemplating it…

henry was in charge of christmas morning breakfast and he did a bang-up job.  french toast, courtesy of america’s test kitchen, and jimmy dean sausage.  mmm.

…it was a little sad to miss the extra-white tahoe christmas.  Maggie and Bonnie very thoughtfully took a picture of the “three” of us anyway and posted it on facebook.  if you go looking for pictures of me, this will be in there.

 

we are slowly getting prepared for the new year, which will be a tidal-wave of insanity from my perspective.  things have calmed down remarkably for henry… he is pretty settled in his job in a private practice across town and is in the (sometimes, frankly, very exhausting) rhythm of doing therapy.  I’m still working full-time, and am starting nurse practitioner school in 2 weeks.  It is an online program through gonzaga, and will take somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 years to finish.  I’m going to see how it goes with work and school and life all jumbled up together, and expect that things will be ca-ra-zee for a little while.  I am very very excited to get going with it– I’ve known since forever that I needed to be a primary care provider, and not a nurse at the bedside, although I have enjoyed my (nearly eight!) years of doing it.  So I have the pleasant sense that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and that somehow I will finish it and keep myself intact in the process.  We’ll see, I guess.

 

 

 

 

pain and suffering

hi everybody.  I’m back.  sorry I abandoned posting for a while… I could make excuses but, honestly, I just haven’t felt like it.

It has been a long few months since the wreck in July but I think I’m finally out of the fog.  I went back to work the last week in October, a full month later than expected due to extremely creaky, sore hands and forearms.  I do not do well in that much limbo for that long… if it had been a permanent change it might have been easier/different, but mainly I felt cooped up, bored, and crabby.  I spent a lot of time with Cora, and a lot of time by myself as we still kept the (hyperbolically amazing) nanny employed 2 days a week.  I ate a lot of lunch out by myself, got caught up on all the sushi intake I’ve missed since I married Henry (who seriously mis-represented his love-or lackthereof- for japanese food when we were engaged).  I’ve read half-a-dozen new books, and re-read a couple old ones.  I spent a ridiculous amount of time perusing the internet brainstorming “ideas”.  I have been sewing up a literal storm… Cora has several new dresses, and so do I.  (—one of these days there will be some sewing posts up.)

Anyway, I’ve managed to keep myself occupied, but it isn’t the same as being in the usual routine of having days “on” and days “off.”  I’m deliriously happy to be back in the ER, humming around in the hypo-manic caffeinated buzz I’m usually in at work. And with my friends, who are special to me in that we have the shared daily experiences of things like doing cpr on dead people, and wiping butts and restraining psychotic crazy people.  The team mentality is the best part of my job, and I genuinely missed those folks when I wasn’t there for all those months.

What else?  We went to Washington D.C. and Williamsburg, VA for the extremely lovely wedding weekend of Henry’s brother and sister-in-law, which was a blast.  Pictures below.  Also, Cora turned 2 on the 22nd of October and we had an terrific celebration day that involved a trip to a fish hatchery up the gorge and trout for lunch in the old stone house below multnomah falls.  And cupcakes with Cora’s little best friends, Simon and Maggie (“Sim!” and “Ma-ddie”).  Altogether a wonderful week, full of family and relaxing and time together.

And I cut Cora’s hair for the first time, just before the trip.  Henry was hor.rif.fied.  I think it looks pretty good, although I accidentally left a rat-tail (…aw…nostalgia for east texas, anyone?) that had to be whacked off a few days later.  She had the beginnings of some nice dreadlocks, which simply aren’t becoming on toddlers.  I don’t think, anyway.

So, life is good.  There are lots of crazy things on the horizon for us… we’re debating the why, when and wherefore of adding another child to our family (i.e. to adopt or have another biological one).  I’m starting grad school (family nurse practitioner) on January 11th, and have yet to figure out where I will get the time to make it happen, and also the scratch to pay for it.  (I am equally averse to taking out loans or hitting the savings account.  Why can’t school just be free?)  I’m also cooking up plans for a trip to south america this winter.  Maggie called off her wedding to Mohit (though they are still together), and I had vacation time and money set aside, not to mention my heart pretty well set on, a trip to third-world warmer-climes this winter.  So, I’m thinking Central America for a week and a half in February.  We’ll see if it actually happens.

I could say a lot more, but maybe I’ll save it and post something again sometime rather sooner than later.

ok, pictures:

a hipstamatic shot of cora and henry just before the wedding

colonial williamsburg.  both creepy (i.e. black people dressed up as slaves?  eh?  really?) and pretty cool.  and a gorgeous fall day, to boot.

henry and cora at the national zoo, eating a ridiculously good picnic of fancy cheese/salami/baguette, apples and high-end artisan chocolate (and, meh: I don’t see what all the fuss is about.  the pretty package was the best part.)  we saw the panda bears, and my favorite part of the day was Cora me-yowing loudly at the lion, and proclaiming him to be a “big tat.”

another hipstamatic print.  …and, doesn’t my husband look nice in plaid?

lord have mercy.  this is the story of my life right now.  I am desperately trying to wean her off of her once-weekly (or thereabouts) nursing session, and she is obsessed with my boobs.  hand down the shirt every opportunity she gets.  she is asking, very articulately, if she can “snuggle a boo boo” or “I ‘anna nurse!” and even asking for “sips” and “a yittle bit”.  funny, and intensely aggravating.  and, as evidenced above, no respect for me in public.  here we are in the air and space museum, admiring all the “aa-panes” and rockets and whatnot.  dr. sears can go to hell, in my opinion.  the next child (if they are biological) will be weaned much, much earlier.  and will hopefully have no idea that the booboo’s ever belonged to her by the week of her 2nd birthday.

here these crazies are feeding the fish at the hatchery.  I feel like an idiot for not taking any decent pictures of Cora with her other grandparents… the professional photographer took a bunch of beautiful family photos, and I left it at that.  but, anyway, here are Mimi and Bubba.

licking the icing off, with sweet maggie standing by.  cora officially idolizes maggie.  she is the most hilarious, articulate, affectionate friend cora has, and she and simon figure into cora’s daily discussion of what she thinks we ought to be doing.

one last shot of simon, maggie and cora.  fall is officially here, folks, and rapidly giving way to winter.  I am loving it.

 

ok, I think that is enough for now.  geez.  if anyone is still reading, I promise to post again soon.

 

maybe they’ll blame that on jesse james too

well, folks, it has been a crazy month.   where to start?

3 weeks ago, I got myself into a spectacular wreck on scott the scooter.  I was almost to work early on a saturday morning when a truck pulled out right (RIGHT) in front of me.  I smacked into the side of the truck, flew over the bed and landed on the opposite side of the road.  I broke both of my wrists, one badly enough to need surgery the next morning, but was profoundly relieved to walk away from it *relatively* unscathed.  I spent a good four or five days in this dreamy, hyper-pixelated state: ecstatic to be alive, entirely relieved of any/all responsibility by my family and friends, and in a narcotized stupor, all of which coincided with the onset of warmth and sun for the first time this summer.

and then the numbness wore off and it turned out that my arms hurt pretty bad.  also, I was getting used to being alive again and not as hyper-aware of the wonderfulness of life, etc, blah blah.  and Cora has been pissed as all get-out over the turn of events.  so, in summation, it has been mostly a bummer with a few bright spots.

such as:  our entire church has pitched in to bring us meals, which turned out to be profoundly helpful.  my mom and dad came up the day I had surgery, and my mom stuck around for 2 whole weeks.  we still got to go on our planned trip to tahoe and meet maggie’s adorable fiancee, mohit (pictures below.)  I’ve had two pedicures since the accident, which is more than I’ve had in the whole last year.  we went to the beach today and I managed to feel as normal as ever for the first time since the accident.  scott the scooter got reincarnated as a brand-new black prius, which now belongs to henry.  and cora pooped on the potty tonight for the first time, which gave me a fleeting glimpse of a future that does not involve diapers.      so, I guess its not all bad.

the update, detail-wise, is this:  I got my fiberglass cast off my right arm this week, and now have a removable splint that I have to wear for another 2-3 weeks.  I’ll get my pins out of my left arm in 2 weeks and then get a splint for that arm, too… so I’m 2 weeks away from a long, hot shower by myself, which I am hankering for in a serious way.  I’m out of work until september 25th, unless a miracle happens.  and my left ring finger is still numb, but the doctor said to give it a little time and not worry too much about it.  so I’m trying not to.

ah, and here is mohit, henry, and cora traipsing down to nevada beach last weekend at tahoe.

more soon.

enfatuated

with Portland right now.  The sun is shining and all those months of cold, rainy weather are receding into memory…

Cora and I have been hoofing it all over town in the stroller and on the various manifestations of TriMET.  Henry drops us off once a week on his way to work on the east side of town where we walk all over Laurelhurst with friends, and then head home via downtown.  Generally this involves grocery shopping (doubling the weight of the stroller I have to then push up our formidable hill) and lunch at the much-written-about food carts.  Cora has given me a new perspective on our city, which I’ve always liked but didn’t feel very compelled to explore on foot.  She is excited by everything… the train, the fountains, the homeless bongo-players in Pioneer square, all the dogs, drinking my iced tea from a straw, playing in the fountain at Jameson Square.  She loves walking on the sidewalks, pointing at things and saying hi to strangers.  In short, I’m really glad we live here.  If someone had told me when I was seventeen that I would someday live in a city full of gardeny-foody-bike-riding-coffee-snobs that was an hour from the Pacific Ocean and flanked by purple mountains majesty, I would have kissed them.

and… a bunch of pictures:

pioneer square fountains, and the MAX in the background.

safety first, people.

marching around in front of the food carts, waiting…

the food carts sprawl out over about 3 blocks, and are packed at lunch hour.

mexican food for cinco de mayo.  enough food for 3 people for less than $10.

“yum yum!”

on the brink…

…of a new decade, both for Henry (who turned 30 yesterday) and myself, who will be turning 30 in june.  It is one of those birthdays that sits rather heavy in your hand, full of promise and mortality.  Feeling young and realizing it at the same time, which is kind of strange.

anyway, we went and celebrated on sunday night by eating a lot of very delicious peruvian food with good friends, traipsing around northwest portland in the rain, having drinks in a dark little bar, and then sleeping here:

hot bath, warm bed, good coffee in the morning, and no Cora in sight.  We felt like such adults. It was wonderful.

mmm, what else?  Cora is fine, thanks… I know I say this every time, but she’s absolutely hilarious right now.  She says and does the funniest stuff.  She is pretty good at please and thank-you, says mama and papa, and drops the occasional “oh seet” when she falls down or something, and I’m having a hard time keeping a straight enough face to stop her from saying it.  I’m just glad it’s not the f-word.  As I’m typing this she is watching (on the other half of the computer screen) what she fondly refers to as the “lala’s.”  She’s got one arm waving over her head and is singing along in a monotone as Feist sings “1234 monsters walking ‘cross the floor,” and which she did in church this sunday during the last song.  She was (jokingly?) informed by the woman behind us afterward that “we don’t do hand-raising at our church.”

here are the lala’s for your sympathetic viewing pleasure:

there’s not a lot of other news to report, although I realize it has been almost 2 months since I’ve updated this stupid thing.  I’ve been sewing a little, mainly stuff for Cora, but I did manage to make myself a pretty cool blouse from scratch… I’ve had this gray shirt from Target for ages that I adore and of course can’t get more of, and had the rather crazy idea to try and draft a pattern.  –so, I was pleased about that.  Also, we’re now a 1-car and 1-scooter family after the recent demise (totaled by transmission troubles) of my silver car from college.  We’ll replace it eventually, but we’re going to try to make it though the summer with me using the scooter to get to work and Henry taking the surviving car.  He’s been really busy… he’s joined a group practice and is trying to slowly build up a client load without killing himself… hopefully he will have quit his old job and be fully at the private practice job in a month or so, but it may take a while for some of the insurance credentialing to go through.  For now he’s at both jobs, and thus the insane 6-day-a-week schedule.  Such a blessing, though, to be finally doing the thing he worked so hard and so long to be able to do.

a few recent pictures of “small madame,” as her crazy aunt maggie has taken to calling her:

poor Scott the Scooter has been complaining about the drastic change in weather from Miami.  I told him to get over it.

sartorial envy

Henry just left for a job interview wearing the exact same clothes he got married in three and a half years ago.  I, of course, only wore my wedding dress once.  Someone seriously should work on the rewearability of wedding clothes for women.  Just sayin’.

the way things are

funny:  Cora these days.  she watched Henry put in his contacts a few times and this is what she started doing every time she saw him for the next couple of days.  It seems to have stopped now, but it caused a disproportionate amount of giggling around here while it lasted.

not so funny:  Cora jumping out of her crib.  Onto her head. (she’s fine.  she had a good cry, a bowl of ice cream, a few toddles around the living room, and went back to bed, thus discovering the most effective pattern of coping with disaster I know of.)

also not so funny:  the furnace going out due to our negligence to order more heating oil in a timely fashion.  It’ll be fixed tomorrow, but I’m chilly, and trying to get warm by the fireplace where Henry is burning his EPPP study materials.  Gleefully.

celebratory:  Henry is now completely and fully legit.  he took the state ethics exam, having passed the EPPP last November, and found out today that he passed.  he celebrated by being hungover all day after a late night with a bottle of fancy bourbon I bought him yesterday in anticipation of getting licensed (and in an attempt to surprise him.)  we ordered pizza for dinner and he is happily watching andy roddick beat the stuffing out of some good-looking brazilian at the australian open.

tragic:  HAITI.  My heart is broken.  I don’t know what to say beyond that.  I donated money to Mercy Corps, and feel guilty for not being able to watch the news, look at the paper, listen to the radio.  I feel guilty for not being down there myself, saving lives that desperately need saving, that matter so much even though they are so poor.  I feel wretched in my wealthy white american world… the brokenness of the world is just so overwhelming to me at times, and then my incapacity to face it bravely is even worse.